It is an amazing moment. I glimpse to my watch and I observe the last few moments tick by until I am officially 'off duty'. I sweep my eyes over my room and I pause to remember everything. All the high moments. All the low moments. All the joy and the excitement. I think about how far I have come and how much I have grown.
But I do not feel sad about leaving. Because I know the family are in good hands. I gave my all to them while I was there, and now as I leave I know that they are older, they are more self sufficient, and they are entering a new season in their life as a family. I want them to enjoy being a family unit again. They still will have help - not an au pair, but a nanny for just a few hours in the afternoon. I met the new nanny, she is a wonderful girl. Fun and firm. I give her my trust completely. I wish her and the family all the very best of everything.
I can leave with a smile. I think this time as an au pair has made me look forward to the time when I will be a mother. I look forward to having children, I am not scared of being a parent anymore. But at the moment, I will enjoy my freedom! I will enjoy being only responsible for myself, I will enjoy travelling without children. I will enjoy waking up late on the weekends!
The United States has changed me. I made wonderful friendships. I travelled more than I ever dreamed of. I took chances, did things I would not normally do, learned how other people live, became more appreciative and grateful for life and the things I have. I learned the difference between a 'want' and a 'need' and I definitely learned to live extremely frugally. I became more gentle with other people. I lost the hard edge that surrounded my heart. I think I grew a heart. I became more open, loved more.
I learn that through the Lord, the more love you pour out, the more the supply grows! So when you get to the end of yourself, there is no emptiness, there is only more love. It is the most amazing and contradictory phenomenon. It changed my life.
What does the Lord have for me next? I have no idea! I eagerly await the next chapter of my life.
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